The longest night of the year and I long for the sun. All week, I’ve been fighting the fatigue that is trying to drag me down. I’ve had to battle this season, against grief and apathy, but as the days have grown shorter and shorter, the dark and cold that comes with the winter solstice has sapped my will to do much of anything, except sleep.
My creativity has ebbed to a low. When the alarm clock rings at 5:30, I nestle deeper under my duvet instead of waking and making my way to my desk. I know this stupor will end- as the days begin to grow longer as we make our way to the spring equinox, I’ll find the will and the spark again.
I am meant to do other things right now. Reflect. Create memories with my family. Finish off loose ends at work. Reacquaint myself with my friends. There are advantages to growing older, and the realization that hibernation is just not for those with fur is one of them. Resigning myself to focusing on self care would have created anxiety and even desperation in my younger self. My past experience has taught me, I need this fallow time as a mother, writer and a human.
My favourite Christmas tradition sees me take Christmas day to laze around in my pajamas (it is the only day of the year I don’t dress), read, eat what I want and when I want. Watch a movie if I feel like it. Take a nap, if I’m so inclined. I feel my body and soul winding down, preparing for the day. It feels like such a luxury- a blessing- in a season so many people find burns them out, to take the time to refuel and reconnect.
In the steadily growing light of January, I’ll be renewed, ready to face the challenges and pleasures of the New Year. But before the sunrise, the dark, dark night.